You casually stroll in, looking real cool, and start trying on bananajackets. An associate hands you a particularly handsome pink bananajacket, and you try it on. Unfortunately, the bananajacket is actually a banana straight jacket, and coincidentally the associate is a zombie who tricked you into wearing the banana straight jacket to immobilize you before eating your flesh. Having your flesh eaten is as painful as it sounds. Game over.
In the time it takes you to call shotgun, the zombie bites you, but you can eventually fight him off with the knife. You're glad you're safe, but unfortunately, since you only called shotgun and not "No Blitz", your friends claimed all of the good seats, leaving you sitting bitch.\n\n* [[Feeling a bit ill, you go back to the house]]. Besides, who follows the "blitz" rule? You need new friends.\n* [[Chinese food is just too delicious to let little things get in the way. On to the mall!]]
* [[Beef|How many chalupas?]]\n* [[Chicken|How many chalupas?]]\n* [[Steak|How many chalupas?]]
The zombie illness gets very strong, and you can't control yourself. You must kill your friends! So you do.\n\nYour friends included the driver, who dies and crashes the car into a wall. You are the only survivor. An ambulance arrives and takes you in.\n\n* [[Onward to the hospital]]
You recall that you need a tent for some reason. Unfortunately, your friends have no interest in tent shopping and ditch you.\n\nYou look over to your left and see that in one of the tents there's...something...\n\n* [[Investigate!]]\n* [[Just buy the cheapest tent available and go look for your buddies]]
Back at the house, and now without friends, you die a particularly gruesome death of boredom. Game over.\n\nOoh! And you were so bored that you exploded, so you took some innocents with you.
You step outside, but on your way to the car, your neighbor eats your flesh. Game over. This is because your neighbor is a zombie.
Ribs won't be ready for another hour, but Chinese is ready all day. Meanwhile, you put a large kitchen knife in your pocket.\n\n* [[Wait for ribs]]\n* [[The wait is too excrutiating! We'd have no time to shop! Just go, go, go!]]
"Welcome to Happy Wok's Flying Great Wall Dragon Kitchen Super Buffet Nunchucks!" says the greeting ninja. By the time you realize he's a ninja, he already sliced you into eight parts of equal mass.
* [[One chalupa|Satisfactory taco]]\n* [[Two chalupas|Satisfactory taco]]\n* [[Three chalupas]]\n* [[More than three chalupas]]
You die of boredom. Game over.
It's another zombie, dumbass. Game over.
As you check out, the clerk offers to let you try out the tent in EHS's rooftop national park. You can't pass up a great opportunity like that, and decide to catch your friends later. You pitch the tent and climb inside, but the rickety structure collapses around you and suffocates you to death.
You're dead. Game over.
You stab your neighbor with the kitchen knife. You are proud for coming up with the idea of taking the knife with you, especially since you didn't know that zombies existed, so except for your intuition, you had no reason to carry the knife. While you reflect on this, your friends claim prime seating, and you are stuck sitting bitch.\n\n* [[Squeeze in to the car and go to the mall]]
Your friends have delicious Cajun chicken. You eat some, and then explode, since you had ribs like ten minutes ago. Game over.
You can't handle more than three chalupas. You die. Game over.
You realize that the mall can't be that bad, especially if there are no zombies there. You are actually getting a little excited--you haven't eaten mall Chinese food since the last time you went to the mall, over two years ago. There's nothing like mall Chinese food. It's bastardized, like campus Chinese food, but, like real Chinese food, it doesn't taste like ass. You are about to leave, when your sense the aroma of ribs coming from the kitchen.\n\n* [[Go to the kitchen for ribs]]\n* [[Get to the mall ASAP, skipping the kitchen]]
The medics realize you're a zombie and kill you.
What were you thinking? Andrew fences you to death. Game over.
That was fun. Now place your order at [[Taco Bell]].
"This will come in handy," you think to yourself. Unfortunately, you have no inner monologue, and a mall guard overhears you. This is his first day on the job after his mom canceled his Xbox Live account, but he is still a Halo fiend, and goes for a head shot. He has impeccable aim. Game over.
You are satisfied.\n\n* [[Pocket fire sauce]]
Andrew's Adventure
Mall Zombies
Boy, was that an uncomfortable ride! Kenny kept denying his farts, but it was obviously him. Finally, you get to the mall, just before you suffocate.\n\n"Where to first?" asks Andrew.\n\n* [[Eastern Hermit Sports]]\n* [[Happy Wok's Flying Great Wall Dragon Kitchen Super Buffet Nunchucks]]\n* [[Taco Bell]]
It all started on a boring January 1, when Andrew resolved to don baggy leather pants. You don't want to go to the mall with him, especially to throw away $70 or more on a silly fashion idea that totally does not complement his superhero t-shirt and sport jacket style, but the boredom cannot be denied. You can only watch so much of a re-run marathon before you are driven to insanity. For the fifth time, Andrew asks you, "want to go to the mall and have a sword fight?" You suppress the urge to sword him right now, and say,\n\n* "[[OK, let's go]]"\n* "[[I already told you, the mall sucks]]"\n\n(The above links are to play the game, but you could also just read about [[what this is]].)
* [[Hard taco|Satisfactory taco]]\n* [[Soft taco|Satisfactory taco]]\n* [[Double decker|Satisfactory taco]]\n* [[Mexican pizza|Satisfactory taco]]\n* [[Gordita|Satisfactory taco]]\n* [[Chalupa]]\n* [[Crunchwrap supreme|Satisfactory taco]]\n* [[Grilled stuft burrito|Satisfactory taco]]\n* [[Chipotle chicken burrito|Satisfactory taco]]\n* [[Nachos bell grande|Satisfactory taco]]\n* [[Chicken quesadilla|Satisfactory taco]]\n* [[1/2 pound cheesy bean and rice burrito|Satisfactory taco]]\n* [[Sam's custom burrito|Satisfactory taco]]\n* [[Beef and potato burrito|Satisfactory taco]]\n* [[Seven-layer burrito|Satisfactory taco]]\n* [[Cinnamon twists|Satisfactory taco]]\n* [[Enchirito|Satisfactory taco]]\n* [[Taco salad express|Satisfactory taco]]\n* [[Fiesta taco salad|Satisfactory taco]]\n* [[Zesty chicken border bowl|Satisfactory taco]]\n\n* [[Pizza hut pizza]]\n\n* [[Play the coin game]]
On your way to the car, your zombie neighbor attacks you.\n\n* [[Kill him with your knife]]\n* [[Call shotgun, then kill him with your knife]]\n* [[Just ignore him]]
You achieve nirvana. No need to continue the game. Congratulations.\n\n[[Spoils for the victor]]
Your friends would rather not wait and go to the mall without you. You pass the hour listening to public radio in the kitchen, eat the ribs, and take a bus to the mall. The bus driver is a zombie. You kill him with the knife. Since there is no driver, you just teleport to the mall, skipping traffic, and arriving at the mall at the same time as your friends.\n\n"Where to first?" asks Andrew.\n\n* [[Bananajacket Boutique]]\n* [[Like a Rolling Wok]]
This is a "choose your own adventure" style game, except made in TiddlyWiki instead of a book. It is written mostly by me, Lenny Domnitser, with help from brother Kenny and cousin Andrew. It is based somewhat on the boredom and events of January 1, 2006, except I convinced Andrew not to go to the mall, and to make this game instead. We made most of it on January 1, but after that day it was untouched until May 2006, when it was finally finished.