Lenny Domnitser’s
domnit.org

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This is a static archive of the domnit.org blog,
which Lenny Domnitser wrote between 2006 and 2009.

Personalized Limericks for Sale

Update 2008/1/23: No mo’ limericks!

I’ve been writing birthday limericks for friends’ Facebook profiles, and decided it’s high time I made some money from my work.

I will write a limerick for you for the low, low cost of $0.25 per line, which comes to $1.25 per limerick. (Currency conversion.)

Examples

Here’s one I just came up with about myself:

Desperate, Lenny wanted more
So he opened a lim’rick store
He’s not even funny
He’d make better money
If he would just become a whore

I’m not really desperate for money, but you get the idea. For more examples of my limericks, see the ones I wrote a year and a half ago about the professors I had that semester. You may also see more of my limericks on Facebook if you are a friend of my friends.

Partial limericks

If you choose to pay less than $1.25, I will round down to the nearest $0.25 and write as many lines as quarters you pay. If you pay more than $1.25, I will still write a standard 5-line limerick—the rest will be considered a tip. In other words:

lines(dollars) = floor(dollars / 0.25) if dollars ≤ 1.25; 5 if dollars > 1.25

Subject matter

The subject is your choice. Please fill in the fields below indicating

  1. Who, and what event or trait of theirs, I should write about
  2. More information about that person.

Note that limericks tend to be humorous and raunchy, so don’t do something stupid like choosing a death for the event.

Return policy

If you are dissatisfied with the limerick, please email me to arrange a return. If you have not yet used the poem, you may return it for a full refund, minus any Paypal fees I might have incurred (probably none). If you are unsatisfied with an individual line, please email me for a rewrite or refund.

I might also issue a refund if I’m too busy to write.

More details

For your money you get exclusive license to the poem for personal use or for publication, but not copyright. I may publish the poem, or I may choose not to. If you would rather I not post it, just say so.

The poem will be delivered over email, Facebook, IM, whatever. Probably email.

Buy now

Example: Jane Wakkamore, anniversary
Example: Married to me, Bob. Likes animals.
USD
Remember, a whole limerick costs $1.25.

What a deal!

It sure is, Jimmy. Get ‘em while they’re cheap.

I’ll probably become famous, so expect your purchase to appreciate nicely if you don’t use it.

Is this a joke?

Yes, but it’s also real.